Me from inside

Staring at the looking Glass

The figure dim looks back

The sullen look features  drooped

No sparkle in the eyes

Sagging skin and contorted format

Changes beyond belief

That sparkle gone and spark put out

No sign of life within

Its astounding how it’s all locked down

And hidden from plain sight

Grasping and fighting to get it back

A battle fought on an hourly round

That smile under pinned and replaced by frowns

The mask adorned as I step out the door

A sterling job is done

For those I see don’t find the real me

As they smile and joke along

Oh how I miss that tender me

Hidden deep inside

I know my strength and personable hew

Will return with a flash and bang

But the waiting kills a part of me 

With every second that pass

The sympathy of others just seems 

Too pound in another nail 

Oh how demoralising can it be 

To see that coffin built

No I am not physically dying

Just the fire inside

So don’t morn or cry for me

Look for the heart inside

The change

Bright glacial eyes

Broad eluminating smile

A radiance of confidant beauty

Kidnapped by hatred and stupidity

Shrouded in matt black hood

Hidden from view kept from all

Beaten and abuses by social eneptness

Locked away without light

Starved of social sustenance 

The will of life draining from the soul

Thinking and gaunt flesh

Hangs from inside the hood

Skeletal for touches the floor

Bright light floods 

Eyes smart body recoils

Shaking with fear body convulses 

Rescued by the samaratans code

Tended by angels fed by God’s

Brought back to life slowly

Fearful of every noise,movement and silence

Sceptical of societies intent

Physical improvements slowly grasp

Mentality scattered and split

Not in a forgien place

My neibourghood were I grew up

The victim of the bully culture

Sufering like all hostages

No armed response or protective custody

Just my room and the solice within

For my differences I am shunned

When will it change

Acceptance for all

The Change

Will it ever come

Victims suprise

I never wondered where I would be,walking the routes laid for me.
Soaking up the information torrented and imported too my mental store.
Scribbling and noting the starred icons of gold
Tested by self and civilities quests learning too walk and examinations at school
I grow day by day despite of it all taller, wiser and stronger than most.

With contorted features and boggly eye
I stride towards the future with sparkle in my eye
Taking on challenges in every stride
Man made or natural they fall by the side
From strength too strength I charge at light speed
Not dragging my feet with depressive need

With surgeon’s knife and medical aide
My contorted expressions change on my face
Battered and bruised inside and out
I clatter on regardless free of doubt
Knocking me down with your verbilisations or physical charge
Enpowers my nature leading the charge

Through the halls of education and employment i advance
Striking at chances with two strong hands
From home town too deserts I have traveled with joy
Been stacking shelves and throwing bombs
I have love for this planet and the people within
Because of my personality and power within

Too all who have wavered and set road blocks for me
Thanks for the challanges and tasks set by thee
They strengthen my resolve Enpowers my will
They keep me above you with my comfort and skill
I come out at the end complete and bitter free
What have your choices left deep for thee

In reflections repost I praise and idolise
The poor fearful society that tried to repress me
They failed in thier tasks enbittered thier hearts
And most of all lost thier god given right
Bullies and tormentors never do win
If with belief in your self and strong mind,will and heart.

To all in the world down trodden and scared
Stand strong for your future and belief there in
Follow your path cut new routes of your own
Listen and learn avoiding the falls
Thiers only one thing that matters in your own worldly place
Doing your best with love,passion and grace

Sail the storms

In to storms we sail
Determind
Reaching our destinations
Acheiving goals at hand
Trimming sails
Traveling on the wind
Storms blow hard
Waves try to crush us
As emotive flies
Stuck to the deck
As insects to paper
Mother nature tries to quash us
Horses 6 foot high
Thunder on the fabric around us
Our vessel tossed and thrown
Too and frow
With our life jackets firm
We cling on for our lives
Staring ourselves onwards
Terrified and shaken
We qwiver
Driven by our determinations
We battle on
No storm or darkness
Can last forever
Power on to the lighter sky
Golden gilt edged clouds
Barely visible in the distance
Tantalise and tease
Gifting hope
Of calm a reward of survival

Day after day
Night onto night
We the crew in life
Tend our craft
Seamanship tested to the full
Fortitude and endevours
Questioned and remarked
Supplies and sustanance drawn
Searching for ports
To wait out our storm
Being one with the mirk
Seasoned well by the sea
A meal tenderised by the storm
Prepared feast plated
Ready for service
The patrons of the deep
Seated and ready
For the service of sustanance
But we battle hard
Steering true
Onwards we go faith in hand
The good ship stays fast
It’s crew take heart
Fight and pull together
Stronger by the day
At last the golden glow
Sun peeks through
An oasis in the dark
Birds apear a song so sweat
Hearts are lifted
Bodies and compartments
Dry and warmed
Life is easier
Even though precarious
Living on knifes edge of hope
Land is bright
On our chart
Hope of visualisation grows
Fight grows stronger in us
Our port and safety
Is closer we lust for confirmation
That glimpse of civility
Mother nature tries to teach
Reminding us we are meer tenants
She rules and governs us
Harsh and peaceful all at once
Returning balance to everything
Land oh how you are beauty
We speed closer
Smiles on faces colour in skin
Humanity survived
Strength and humility
Joy floods our soul
Seas calming brightness Shrouds
Molly coded and comforts
Rewarding us for our attentions
Delivery back to the living
Pride envelops us
Acheivement fills our core
Praise of life glow of joy
Happiness returns
Piloted through the break
Guided and delivered
Returned to our communities breast
Families gather
Banners waved tears fall frealy
We return victorious and humble
Better personages because of our trials
Home safe once more
The balance and eb
In our control for now
Ship moored safe and true
Bobbing gently against the jetty
The world smiles with us
As we walk home
Hand in hand with our parity
Alive and well blessed and free

The tail of the Snake

Beware of the snake
Lying meek and still
Soaking up the rays of sun
At peace asleep in his place
Dont beat this soul
Or pull his tail
You’ll wake him up
He’ll Spin around
And sink his fangs deep
Without a care
So if the beauty of the snake
Draws attention and inquisitiveness
Delay and think upon this day
Is it venomous or safe too bate
Always beware of the tale of the snake

Life as we Grow Despite of it All

  ( A follow up too Proud to be who I am)

        ( The Scots Guards on Parade)

I know how hard it is to be bullied and be made fun of all to well. Personally it made school hard as hell,from Primary (junior) school to University. Having everyone including your peer group on your back day in day out. Kids on your street,block or estate harang your every movement.
  Did I hide in a corner or skulk in shadows !! . No I did not, I done the hardest thing I could have choosen too do. I stood upto the bullies and sooth sayers. Not by violance at first but by using my wit,inteligance and speed of thought. Turning round or manipulating there own words or position, A verbal Karate,Ikido or judo if you like.
  This is by no means easy although once you start you dont realise at the time how hard it is. As I am only seeing know how strong I must have been to attempt this.
  It is not cheek,stupid remarks or idiotic behaviour that you use, it is how ever jokes(about youself) aswell as them,word games,inteligance about the situation and grit and determination.
   Disarming or even nutralising there point of view making others laugh and without realising changing perspectives of you ( who you are, why you are,how you feel and what you will not stand for). There are no classes in this unfortunatly or everyone would be doing it.
  And not all the tormentors or torment will stop , but it will put you in a far better mental,social and interpersonal place. That one day you could be writing this or speaking to others on any subject?

Through my operations I missed a lot of school,but with hard work and help I caught up and passed my exams rising me above these people scared of the unknown(me). I first joined the Army as a Junior Leader (the picture top of page) thats where that chaprter began.
  All these people saying because of my face and that I was a freak and hey you guys (from the Goonies). To name but a few where are they what have they done !!!!.
  A lot I know personally know have made there peice and we have buried hatchets. A lot didnt do well at school,have been in and out of jail(correctional facilities),taken drugs ect. They marvel at my acheivements and wonder why and how !!.
  They have lived with regret,anger and self pitty around there actions. And I forgave them and thanked them for what they had done. With a smile a hug and even a pint or three.

There are those hard lined bigots out there that you can not change or get through too. That is not your fault it is down to them wholely and fully.

Forgive yourself before others and follow your path. Take those friends and believers with you.Leave doubters,haters and spoilers to languish in there own pitty.

FORGIVENESS IS YOUR GREATEST WEAPON

Proud too be Who I am

Born 1st August 1974 with a complex disfigurement of the skull. Similar to a cleft palate but in my forehead. My eyes were positioned round towards my ears, a 4″ inch ravean in my forehead,2 bumps positioned on my eyebrow line just above my nose. And my nose was the same length as the width of an average thumb.

From the age of 7 1982 I started a long and winding set of Maxifacial operations. Performed at the Southern General Hospital Glasgow,by the same team as Operated on the boy David from Brazil. Apart from Dr Thomson who adopted david.
  The first Operation was a 18 and a half hours on the operating table. 27 days recovery in intensive care and 4 further weeks on the childrens ward. A further 50+ operations followed untill the age of 14 1988.
  Bullied daily because I was different and people were scared of the unknown. Daily repetative name calling,pushing,shoving and worse. Where I grew up you either fought back got strong,or curled up and gave in.
  

Yes I stood out in the crowd and I was the odd man out. But hey how amazing can that be !! , let me explain , I have an inbuilt story. Mother nature dealt me this oddity aswell as strong mental ability , broad shoulders and a stubborn streak. I had and still do have an answer for everything,sence of humour and determination to prove people wrong.
  Yes the daily battle was painful,depressing,hurtful,questionable,distroying but charactor building, drive building, powerful,Spiritual and friendship building. I know all too well that it is hard and people children especially are cruel and petty. Yes even now at nearly 40 I still get strange looks name calling ect.

Here is the best part I have served my country 10+ years as Guardsman and Marine , been a NHS Nurse , Coached sport at all levels,qualified as a Physio,personal Trainer, Traveled 3 quarters of the world and got married with 4 gorgious children. There is a brighter side to all the anguish and hurt.
  And I know everyone is different but we are also the same I chose to make my victimisation work for me instead of putting me down. I rose up and grew into who I am now
This Strong,polite,personable,educated and grounded person. I personally am thankful to all my bullies,doubters and haters Family,enemy or stranger alike.
  You are and always have been the wind in the sails of this great ship that has sailed above and beyond that of most of your lives. I have no regrets or hang ups at all yes I am hard on myself and sometimes put myself down too much (some who may read this know this well) but I am here and doing things my way despite it all ;).

PLEASE ANYONE BEING PERSICUTED OR BULLIED BY OTHERS SEEK HELP
(Talk to someone deal with you first ignore and become deaf to the doubters and haters) Rise like the Pheneix and show your guiding light.

In A Heart Beat

What would you do if you had the chance !
Go for a run a meal or a dance
Wait for a chance or Grab with both hands
Follow the crowd or take your own path

I make my chances
I take my own path
Leading the way
Despite what they say

Do as they do or select the right way
Cower to preasure or stand proud your way
take up lifes challanges and win the day
Or hide in the corner with nothing to say

I make my chances
I take my own path
Leading the way
Despite what they say

Be indavidual is what I say
Free from shackles that fall your way
Proud to be you who every that may be
What ever your choices thats your life to lead
No mater you race,sexuality,religion or need

    Lead from the front in a heart beat.

BULLIES Why Me

Why do people give different areas of the human race grief. From school to old age the people who are different or not normal are ridiculed.
You could be in a wheelchair or autistic have a facial disfigurement or speech problem. And society has it bred into it that poking fun and making people’s life miserable.
I have suffered first hand at these twisted people and still do on occasion.

Yes I look different,my facial features are different and I have a lot of scars on my face.
I know now some of my bullies really well.And some have imparted why they were bullies and why I was a victim.

A lot of the problems comes from not knowing what to do or say. The education to understand what is said about the problem.
And the compassion and patience to understand the situation surrounding the behaviours and outbursts.
predominant fear of the unknown and the social in bread acceptance that bullying happens. And conceptive stupidity that they can break these victims and play them like a game.

The above is true most bullied people mental,physical or psychological. I personally know it oh too well from 4-14 I wore that mask well.
Tools needed to escape the spiral, wicked sence of humour,an outlet to vent frustration, strong will and determination with thick skin and fortitude.
On many occasions I would used witty retorts and jokes. Turn rounds and knowledge to twist there taunts to my favour. Mental strength to take on what has been said but control it and use it for your own advantage.
None of these things are easy I know many years of practice got me to where I am today. Many tears,hurt,fear and turmoil went my way. But I am here and living proof that it can work,bullies can be beaten and you can still be the best you can be !!.
School was definatley the worst time as kids are cruel. Then I joined the Armed Forces yup set myself up for even more hard times.
The strength gained from my early years drove me to my passing out parade and 10+ years of service.

Dont be scared to talk to adults about what is going on. Please don’t let their uneducated words break your will. Hold your head up high and fight for your space on the path . You have as much right if not more to walk this path and succeed than anyone .