Posts Tagged ‘Thoughts’

Many of my first blogs were about my life and struggles with bullies and miss conceptions. The processes and journeys made by myself and surgery awell as the determination to succeed.

This is an update if you like….. my operations from 35 years ago have decided to collapse.Yeah you have read right !!!, my face from forehead to jaw line has been built on a wire mesh (chicken wire) like stuff. And for reasons best known too others it has collapsed and twisted.

 My nose has dropped around 4 inches , eye socket has shifted and high cheek bone around socket flattened out. I now have a ridge in my palate on the roof of my mouth and the entire physiology of my skull has been affected. The shifting of the above has worsened my Fybro Myralga symptoms and created others as well.

I am presently under Maxi Facial clinic in Newcastle 9+ months and no further forward. No medical records have been obtained and it’s taken 8+ months for photos to be taken. The consultant in charge doesn’t seem to have a clue what too do. And is not following the NHS’s own process or procedures properly.

I am very aware that the type of surgery I have had and that I require is very specialised and dare I say it rare.But there are processes and procedures to be followed and we would be a lot further followed. I know this because I am a qualified nurse as well as 40 years experience of my condition and surgeries.

Because of this I am having to apply for a Personal independence Plan (pip) which is a government based benefit for disabilities. Now you can’t see the damage or symptoms mostly internal and physical . So some in aware specialist without appropriate will have to decide my fate.

I was a very popular and busy personal trainer but die to this issue a)It’s not safe to be lifting weights and taking classes (b) the symptoms are causing severe issues  (c) pain and discomfort as well as anxiety and distress. All of which put working,Walking and social activities on a back burner.

I write this not for sympathy but awareness for others, I know I will get there and be bk too 100% soon enough. But there are people out there that are not able too see past there difficulties as easily. Please please please stay strong and be yourself at all times. These things are sent too test us and not define us. I am a proud father of 4 , ex  Scots  Guard,Nurse,Coach and Personal trainer.I write poetry and stories , trying to inspire others along the way as well as bring my children up the best way possible. I am not my face or condition I just sometimes have too stop and take a rest then go again when able.

We the Warriors will win the battles wars are events to over come by adapting they can and will be conquered.

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Running free no lead to bind
Over Rainbow bridge with space to fly
Painless calm and youthful once more
My heart is broken my peace is gone
My friend,councillor and confidaunt
I smile and sigh with every thought
My sofa is bare where you once were
With all my heart I love you still
And run with you in spiritual bliss
Go in peace live full and fair
I promise to walk with you again some day
Never forget the times we had
The walks in the park and snuggles in bed
My Romeo forever more
Go with love and my hearts open door

(RIP Dophintime red romeo) Romeo
The best and most loyal Irishmen I know xxx

W.I.S.H

Posted: January 2, 2016 in Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

I wish to turn life around
That frown upside down
The dark into light
Night into day
And take all those pains away

I wish for compassion
World peace and acceptance
For health and wealth to those who need
For food,shelter and warmth for all

I wish that those in control
Get punished for thier sins
And that those suffering get freedom
The sun too shine and warm the sky
And nature to be carried by

These are the wishes of a humble man
Who isn’t shy of working hard
Defending the meek
And striking out for the weaker guy
Gentle and strong
Tough but fair
A father,A son and friend so dear

And most of all I Wish You The Best
Whether Friend,Family,Aquaintance or pest
To those who meline or try to distress
I wish for realisation and recompence

We sit.
Waiting for something
What we do not know
Lounging staring
Interspacialy drunk
Mesmerised and lathargic
The concept of motion
Devoid and unwanted

Robitic tracks
Leading to and frow
The fridge and cooker
Control our soul
No visitors come
Family abscond
Day light impaired by darker ways
Still we sit and wait

Pounds leap on
Spread around us
Monitary stores depleted
Our soul wains
Self destruct on cource
Sinking deeper
Comfort unknown
Mental prowess destructed

Gibbering and rambling
Uncoherant and quiet
Eyes like saucers
Blood shot and gray
Society passes us by
Unaware or caring
Existence obliterated from space
Rubbish piles grow
Self esteem burnt too the ground
Pain no longer felt
Confidance trapped behind glass
Only watching us die

Why do we wain
What allows us to profain
What consiquences will preveil
Where was the gilt edge prize
Selected to change our lives
Why no support
From these that we loved
Cherrished no more
By those that we served
Dispare and gutter lust
Our confidaunts
Homeless ,shambolic,shunned
What is the reason
For destruction of us

Contemptuality
Infringement on our fortitude
Spirals assend
Tumbling and cavorting
Together simulating
Peaceful living
Thunderous bolts
Scream through the core
Atoms and molecular  synthesis
Explosive neutrons kiss
Perpetual motive emotions
Cascade through the eather
Breaths of freshness
Enrich the souls sencetivity
Allowing relations to blossom
With strangers never known
Becoming friends
Growths acheivements
Become reality
And self and ability
Stream amid the madness
Society manifests
Condemning humanity
To its own successful  endemnabilities

Where have you gone
The empty space where you sat
The impression on the mattress
Your perfume on my clothes
Your tea stained cup
The dusty shoes in the hall
Still hanging lifeless drapery in the closet
Memories flood with every step
Expectation of your appearance
Every time the doors swing
How can I greave
As you still linger around
When will the hurt go
What can I do
Who will unlock my soul
The love that will never die
The life unforgettable
Sleep well my love
Stay as I remember
But pain and stressless
We will meet again with open arms

AMEN

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Remember those aeroplane spoons
The cups with the spouts
The cutlery for Lilliputians
That rash on your leg
The rusks with warm milk
Jelly and cream
And that first frozen face
While eating ice cream
Lying on the floor kicking your legs
To exploring new places
Using your head
Thundering around on all fours
Those teetering steps
Cruising the sofa
The buggy rides down the street
The weird looks on faces
Off people we met
The couchie coos and bonnie bairns
From the strangest of people
Out on their feet
The yoyo and jacks too hula hoops and foam mats
That push along trike
Too coolest go-cart
The tentative days getting the nack
Two wheeler motion
stabilizers off
Cruising the streets
On your Grifter so tough
Where have these days fled too I ask
The simplest of days held to task
That frivolous enjoyment and messy retort
The best years of our lives
Out grown in a flash

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The click of hobnail boots fills the air
The lonesome shrill of the pipes
Sends shivers down the spine
Shadows dance a reel upon silent ramparts
The city sleeps oblivious and deep
The guard changes as if blind
Onlookers feel the vibrations and watch the show
Mother moon winks and enlightens the sky
The memories flood and decades flash before us
The sun slowly rises
And the opticalities of the dark vanish
Once more normality grasps us all
Birds sing and the shadows disapear
Life quickens and our brains question
What went before us
Unsure and swithering

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Living through the haze
Consepts of life’s path sillohett
Joy and pain merged
Uncontrolled emotions erupt
Loved ones clamber round
Consoling or bewildered
Emotive atomic collisions manafest
Heart and soul rush round
Exploding cascades of deepest felt
Life and death tightly drawn
Intermingled are the light and darkness
The fagility of life glaringly apparent
The joy of survivals being overpowers
Which is at peace
Who knows for sure or understands
Life’s cataclysmic delicate frailties

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Twisted contortions
Laid true and honestly
By hands of many on the gangs
Consepualities of transportations muse
Interlocking and transending spaces
Clickety clack of motions sound track
People buffered from place to place
Birth of idealistic Contentions
Individualised transparencies free
Life’s contained within these shuttles
Realism and mindfulness gaze
Journeys physical and mentaly endured
Destinations in time and space
Tickets purchased and punched Dailly
Never knowing where we will end
Socialisation and conformation
Freedoms push against the norm
Alight for this journey or hold on tight
On the train or minds in flight