Posts Tagged ‘drive’

Many of my first blogs were about my life and struggles with bullies and miss conceptions. The processes and journeys made by myself and surgery awell as the determination to succeed.

This is an update if you like….. my operations from 35 years ago have decided to collapse.Yeah you have read right !!!, my face from forehead to jaw line has been built on a wire mesh (chicken wire) like stuff. And for reasons best known too others it has collapsed and twisted.

 My nose has dropped around 4 inches , eye socket has shifted and high cheek bone around socket flattened out. I now have a ridge in my palate on the roof of my mouth and the entire physiology of my skull has been affected. The shifting of the above has worsened my Fybro Myralga symptoms and created others as well.

I am presently under Maxi Facial clinic in Newcastle 9+ months and no further forward. No medical records have been obtained and it’s taken 8+ months for photos to be taken. The consultant in charge doesn’t seem to have a clue what too do. And is not following the NHS’s own process or procedures properly.

I am very aware that the type of surgery I have had and that I require is very specialised and dare I say it rare.But there are processes and procedures to be followed and we would be a lot further followed. I know this because I am a qualified nurse as well as 40 years experience of my condition and surgeries.

Because of this I am having to apply for a Personal independence Plan (pip) which is a government based benefit for disabilities. Now you can’t see the damage or symptoms mostly internal and physical . So some in aware specialist without appropriate will have to decide my fate.

I was a very popular and busy personal trainer but die to this issue a)It’s not safe to be lifting weights and taking classes (b) the symptoms are causing severe issues  (c) pain and discomfort as well as anxiety and distress. All of which put working,Walking and social activities on a back burner.

I write this not for sympathy but awareness for others, I know I will get there and be bk too 100% soon enough. But there are people out there that are not able too see past there difficulties as easily. Please please please stay strong and be yourself at all times. These things are sent too test us and not define us. I am a proud father of 4 , ex  Scots  Guard,Nurse,Coach and Personal trainer.I write poetry and stories , trying to inspire others along the way as well as bring my children up the best way possible. I am not my face or condition I just sometimes have too stop and take a rest then go again when able.

We the Warriors will win the battles wars are events to over come by adapting they can and will be conquered.

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I have a protector
A gardian angel
She travels in far of lands
Born from different stock
Matched only by our spirit
She has many different names
And Crosses many seas
She knows not what she does
Or why she means so much
I feel her Pressance
I hear her words clear
From liking my work
To shielding my life
I honour her with my support
And the acheivements I obtain
Most of all by being me
Our spirits as one we are strong

I never wondered where I would be,walking the routes laid for me.
Soaking up the information torrented and imported too my mental store.
Scribbling and noting the starred icons of gold
Tested by self and civilities quests learning too walk and examinations at school
I grow day by day despite of it all taller, wiser and stronger than most.

With contorted features and boggly eye
I stride towards the future with sparkle in my eye
Taking on challenges in every stride
Man made or natural they fall by the side
From strength too strength I charge at light speed
Not dragging my feet with depressive need

With surgeon’s knife and medical aide
My contorted expressions change on my face
Battered and bruised inside and out
I clatter on regardless free of doubt
Knocking me down with your verbilisations or physical charge
Enpowers my nature leading the charge

Through the halls of education and employment i advance
Striking at chances with two strong hands
From home town too deserts I have traveled with joy
Been stacking shelves and throwing bombs
I have love for this planet and the people within
Because of my personality and power within

Too all who have wavered and set road blocks for me
Thanks for the challanges and tasks set by thee
They strengthen my resolve Enpowers my will
They keep me above you with my comfort and skill
I come out at the end complete and bitter free
What have your choices left deep for thee

In reflections repost I praise and idolise
The poor fearful society that tried to repress me
They failed in thier tasks enbittered thier hearts
And most of all lost thier god given right
Bullies and tormentors never do win
If with belief in your self and strong mind,will and heart.

To all in the world down trodden and scared
Stand strong for your future and belief there in
Follow your path cut new routes of your own
Listen and learn avoiding the falls
Thiers only one thing that matters in your own worldly place
Doing your best with love,passion and grace

Shambolic persistence
Turmoil endevours
To lay waist to all
Sunlight brightens
Sets warmth on the ground
Enriching everything beneath
Showing us the way forward
Driving and energising
Fueling the fires of destiny
Acheive , live and repeat
Feed the imagination
Carry yourself with pride
Success is yours

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Stare into the sole
Deep and completely
Draw from the depths
The contentment and truth
Indelibly imprint the glory
Bannish the demons
Harrang and displace
The putrid stench of past
Raise up and live
Be completely self
Defy the odds and raise standards
Be who you were intended to be
Live free and guide with light

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My friend true and bold
The warrior sole tall and strong
The teacher of skills
Purveyor of knowledge
Taxi driver and Atm
The one true constant
By my side
disciplined and trainer
Leader on paths
Director of operations
The role model for life
Un dyeing and faultless
True to the end
The guardian angel
Living beside us
My Father and friend
The limits are boundless

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I have suffered from nerve and muscular pain from am early age. Dibilitating at times stopping me from joining in with PE at school and other fun stuff.
  I was told by medical professionals to just do light exercise ie swimming,cycling and walking. And to take my meds along with a healthy diet.
  Until I met a physio therapist called John,who showed me the importance of flexibility, range of motion and strength in muscle tone. And the truth behind the benefits for my condition 8f exercise and development.
So carefully and gently I introduced running,climbing and bodyweight exercise. Playing football with my mates and learning gymnastics and dance. Before I knew it I was able to run long or short distance,flexibility was a lot better and my range of motion was excellent compared to previous.
  Now I was lucky I found the right advice at an early age. And was able to nurture my progression and pain at the same time.
  Through exercise and diet my bodies production of its natural chemicals which assist immune system,energy production,nerve and brain development and other chemical reactions that occur within our bodies systems. Was greatly improved and because of this pain management,calorie/fat conversion and many more processes were significantly better .
  The external support of physio , coaching,medical and many more. Assisted the education development, withdrawl of meds and introduction of appropriate others,increase in dietary knowledge and all aspects of life.
    Allowing me to take up sports and other activities as a teenager too joining the armed forces and becoming a qualified nurse.
  I am now 40 years old and was diagnosed with Fybromyralga at the age of 28. Finally I had understanding of my nerve and pain condition. Unfortunately the medical professional I dealt with at the time set me on the roller coaster of tests and more tests. Higher amounts of meds and more pain and discomfort,lathergy,  dipression,anger,dispare,lower drive and many more. And was informed after 5 years nothing would me done until I ended up in hospital or a wheel chair. I had went from 12 stone too over 20, suffered from continual pain/discomfort,had an asthmatic condition and was not in a good frame of m8nd or mental place.
At that point I decided to get bk on my bike literally and start swimming. Sorted my diet out,stopped smoking,comfort eating and started living. Self motivation returned and looking at my kids as they grew up my drive and determination increased.  The more weight I lost the healthier I felt the more varied exercise I took part in .
  The variety of tasks I could perform increased and within 24 months I had plumited down to under 18 stone. Lost 6 inches around my waist and  qualified as a personal trainer (fitness). And even though I am still in 24/7 pain and constant discomfort I have used my experience and knowledge to transform the mental and physical knowledge and  appierance of many clients,friends and family.
   No matter your disability or condition performing as much exercise as possible with the right informed assistance and correct diet. Supported by the right nutritional and medical advice and plans. There is no reason why better health is not achievable for all.
  It will take time, stacks of patience,support, tough love and determination.So the individual can achieve short or long term goals but I can truelly say in the long term it is deffinatly worth it.

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Awakening the terror
Deep within lurks
Raising from the depths
Firey embers molten hot
Cascading through veins
Heart rate coursing
Abilities sharp and taught
Tasks dispatched in fleating blur
Life careering within control
Tormentors  beware
This sleeping giant

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Adorned at birth
With this mask of difference
No super hero or special powers
Fighting spirit and determine soul
The only gifts truly owned
Strong off heart clear off mind
Strength to bare and intellect clear
To take on tormentors judgemental fear
Without the capes and trappings bright
We fit right in and calmly fight
Against any odds we will rise to the top
To acceptance and future
We plow our way , sanity shows our brightest day

Talking too self

Posted: September 27, 2014 in Random
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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Farewell dear friend
Life blood now drained
Enevitable end has come
Demorilised and beaten hard
Your breath heavy and drawn
Freedom has escaped
Carrying true self onward
Better days ahead
Sunshine and peace envelope
The darkness you once drowned in
Vanished from sight never returning
Strength has grown over time
Scattering devolved soul skyward
At last the life meant for living arrives
Torments shackles smashed
Thrown free and clear from life
Sunshine graces every step forward
From now on scoff those that dare
My inpenitratable armour is true
I am and always will be
From this day on the best I can be
Salvations power drives my fate