Posts Tagged ‘PTSD’

Staring at the looking Glass

The figure dim looks back

The sullen look features  drooped

No sparkle in the eyes

Sagging skin and contorted format

Changes beyond belief

That sparkle gone and spark put out

No sign of life within

Its astounding how it’s all locked down

And hidden from plain sight

Grasping and fighting to get it back

A battle fought on an hourly round

That smile under pinned and replaced by frowns

The mask adorned as I step out the door

A sterling job is done

For those I see don’t find the real me

As they smile and joke along

Oh how I miss that tender me

Hidden deep inside

I know my strength and personable hew

Will return with a flash and bang

But the waiting kills a part of me 

With every second that pass

The sympathy of others just seems 

Too pound in another nail 

Oh how demoralising can it be 

To see that coffin built

No I am not physically dying

Just the fire inside

So don’t morn or cry for me

Look for the heart inside

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Genetically resembling a number
Inferiorities bound
Holding mentality hostage
Confusion reigns supreme
Visually you resemble your years
Inwardly you continually battle
Disfunction of miss represented truth
Contortion of genetisisms
Growth stifled and slow
Education jigsaw like
Inferior imperfections shine
Believe in yourself
Fight at the forefront
Medicated slowness
Contemptual abrassions
Societies lackluster grasp of reality
Break the mold and rise
Mind of the lost
Who is to judge you
Self worths perpetual motion

Yes I am alive
The mirky grey consumes
The crimson ache illuminates
Solitude in the throngs around
Indemnity against humanity
Fog mists the brain
Eyes sullen with crimson flashes
Deprived of sleep
Restless against the norm
Walking on glass no confirmation
Stomach twisted and tight
Hunched and screaming
Silent utterances aloud to the masses

These are my demons carried Dailly
Without notification
Others bewildered and annoyed
Forming stories and opinions
Never knowing the truth
Ideals conception less
Against my being
Understanding lacking from most
Those in the know assist
Allowing for visual conditions
But the mind is alone in the battle
Cloaked by medical evils
Numbed by the concoctions of drugs
Demons party in my frame
United against my existence
These are mine they ate me
But this warrior survives and exists
To the fullest of ability
Dumbfounding the so called experts

We the afflicted rise
Emblazen trails for others
Drawn weapons strength of mind
The battles won Dailly
During this autrition of war

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Glazed
Emotion less
Devoid of fealing
Living in fear
Locked away
The inner sanctum
Safety from all
The windows
Dull and sullen
Show lifeless depravation
No light glints
Swallowed whole by dark
Chains comfort
Restricting motions
Deserving of death
Punished by living
Putrid socialisation
Societies pitiful cry
Crime against self
Reality of depressions strength
Plowing against earth’s soil
Heart blackened and cold
No life lives here anymore
No preserve or drive
Too exist

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The light shatters the dark
The faint voices
Distant permeation of the silence
Clambering and stretching
pugilistic attempts
To clear the path ahead
Happiness defiant
Depressiveness dwelling strong
Battle after battle
The voices reach
Slowly increasing volume
Closer to the light
We scramble slow
Pushing and pulling
Our mental state free
From the weight of past
Towards the free range of futures glow

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Longing and dreams
Filling my head
Skimming the waters of life
Thinly  sandwiched
Between the depth of dispare
And the darkness of the unknown
No vein of light
To shatter the Dark foreboding
Spread out before me
Trapped deep
Grasped tightly by fears
Two steps forward
Fifty back
This mountain so high
Clambering for the light

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Intersections of memories
Cascading together
Atom on atom
molecules exploding
Time flies past
Terrors running riot
Peace and serenity
Thrown asunder
Mind controls matter
Fears fill my gaze
complexion pale and clamie
Exudes the facade
The smile pinned tight
Fooling the majority
Where as the grimmis off fear
Meets me In the mirror
Why me
What have I done
Please release me from this fate

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In common place
I wonder free
Looking normal as can be
Fully of joy
Intelligence bound
Not a flaw to be found
Then the monster wakes
And the mind does shake
Turmoil and pain
Of past indiscretions play
Vivid and clear
Only I can see
Re living every motion
Feelings flood and heart does race
Until true love does quench its need
Returning eventually
To civilities normalities vein

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Locked deep
Verberating turmoil
Deep darkness falls
Sleep empailed
Sub conscious scatters
Mind races
Tops turvy sediment
Embroiled hopes and dreams
Scattered in tatters
No quarter spared
Solace of daylights gaze
Lost in time and space
Pain and agony relived
Seconds,minutes and hours
Merge and blur

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Bodies strewn across the landscape
Shells of thier former selves
Hollow lifeless and cold
The brain whirls at speeds unreconiseable
Playing over and over again snipits in time
Vivid as if exact and poiniant
Realistic beyond beliefs gaze
Alone in this hellish dark void
Screaming in silence unheard by all
Miss understood by the masses
Looked upon as weird
Medicated into meekness’s submission
Contemplatory acceptance of place in time
Poles apart from true mental state
Fighting those demons charging towards us
Leaving shells devoid of life strewn on the landscape
To continually replay and haunt our souls