Posts Tagged ‘depression’

Staring at the looking Glass

The figure dim looks back

The sullen look features  drooped

No sparkle in the eyes

Sagging skin and contorted format

Changes beyond belief

That sparkle gone and spark put out

No sign of life within

Its astounding how it’s all locked down

And hidden from plain sight

Grasping and fighting to get it back

A battle fought on an hourly round

That smile under pinned and replaced by frowns

The mask adorned as I step out the door

A sterling job is done

For those I see don’t find the real me

As they smile and joke along

Oh how I miss that tender me

Hidden deep inside

I know my strength and personable hew

Will return with a flash and bang

But the waiting kills a part of me 

With every second that pass

The sympathy of others just seems 

Too pound in another nail 

Oh how demoralising can it be 

To see that coffin built

No I am not physically dying

Just the fire inside

So don’t morn or cry for me

Look for the heart inside

Striking lighting like

Intensifying every twinge 

Sending the sensors into overdrive

Clouding the judgement always
Bolt upright I sit

Corpse like and still

Eyes red and bleary

Darkness consumes my form
Ground hog day starts once more

As my mask fitted

Smiling ,happy and fresh

I tackle the tasks before me
Dulled by medicated chemical’s

Cruising along with programmed tasks

Personality void,robotic motion

Plowing through the day
Homeward to solitude

Mask drops partialy once more

Top up of chemicals

Replenishment of energy

Returning to my easy bed

And the chatter of the pixelated noise box

Like the mighty Oak
With presision is felled
Stroke after stroke
The lumber jack wields
Crashing too the floor
With a creek and a moan
Loud crash and wail
As debris is strewn
Shards are tossed asunder
Other limbs and structures
Are spattered

Hoisted high
By hoist and crane
Manual labour’s  swet and strain
Hacking and sawing
Tendrils and branches hacked
Dragged away by chains off steel
Congragated on trailers long
Driven too mills to be whittled down
Turned into planks and chairs
For civilisation to use and defile more

Seeds were scattered
During the fall
Dna of strength and age
Sown in the wind
Scars of defilement abound
Seen from space aswell as ground
New life sprouts slow but true
In Virginia soil unspoilt
Out of view
Humanity tares it down
Without sadness or a frown
Thier needs are many
Unbound and sireal
How must mother nature feel

Time and nature
Nurture all
New stocks and growth
Will strongly yield
Father time and Mother earth
Will heal the scars
Machines do wield
Humanity and it’s disfigurations
Will be paid for by all countries and nations
By wind,rain and continental shifts
Volcanic flows and temperature rifts
These gifts are aplenty
A warning too all
Reminding humanity one and all

I never wondered where I would be,walking the routes laid for me.
Soaking up the information torrented and imported too my mental store.
Scribbling and noting the starred icons of gold
Tested by self and civilities quests learning too walk and examinations at school
I grow day by day despite of it all taller, wiser and stronger than most.

With contorted features and boggly eye
I stride towards the future with sparkle in my eye
Taking on challenges in every stride
Man made or natural they fall by the side
From strength too strength I charge at light speed
Not dragging my feet with depressive need

With surgeon’s knife and medical aide
My contorted expressions change on my face
Battered and bruised inside and out
I clatter on regardless free of doubt
Knocking me down with your verbilisations or physical charge
Enpowers my nature leading the charge

Through the halls of education and employment i advance
Striking at chances with two strong hands
From home town too deserts I have traveled with joy
Been stacking shelves and throwing bombs
I have love for this planet and the people within
Because of my personality and power within

Too all who have wavered and set road blocks for me
Thanks for the challanges and tasks set by thee
They strengthen my resolve Enpowers my will
They keep me above you with my comfort and skill
I come out at the end complete and bitter free
What have your choices left deep for thee

In reflections repost I praise and idolise
The poor fearful society that tried to repress me
They failed in thier tasks enbittered thier hearts
And most of all lost thier god given right
Bullies and tormentors never do win
If with belief in your self and strong mind,will and heart.

To all in the world down trodden and scared
Stand strong for your future and belief there in
Follow your path cut new routes of your own
Listen and learn avoiding the falls
Thiers only one thing that matters in your own worldly place
Doing your best with love,passion and grace

Nature’s growth within
Humanities drive too acheive
Injuries inflicted by self or others
Mental or physical torments
Entraping our souls
Deep within us
Shunned by society
Because of difference and fear
Scars Visable and hidden
Reactive reactions and force
Uncontrolled depictions of ability
Armour and windows of deception
Masks firmly worn
Deflecting outwardly the pain
The depths twisted and contorted
Dailly by actions of others
Dragging us further down
Ensnared by shambolic  attempts
Medicated acceptances
Delivered by negligent medics
Masking not healing causes
Warping minds and nulling fight
Who are we
Where have we gone
We the warrior must stand and fight
Rally for self and full worthfulness

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     Lost in dreams far from reality
Safety and peacefulness in abundance
Sanaty’s fail safe against turmoils
Huddled alone in the darkness
No hero to physically save us
Struggling to empower heart’s truth
To continue the fight for freedom
Reality bites hard endeavouring to mar
And drag us into dispare realm
Sail free in dreams and release self
Trust in self and achieve
Physically seak assistance
Never fear telling your story
As others out there suffer the same
In deafening silence too

Victim

Posted: June 16, 2014 in Random
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In the black
Friendship moon, Alone
With only dispare as company
Tears flow
Like oil slicks
Heart torn in two
Pale clamy complection
Bruises tattood endelibly
Scars supplying the only colour
Battered and torn
Lost in torment

Twisted

Posted: June 14, 2014 in Random
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Gnarled and contorted
Intertwined by force
Twisted form of self
Incoseptual heap of pain
Fractured and split
Mashed and confused
Depressed conformity
Scrumpled and dented

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Locked away devoid of feeling
Emotiveness floods the soul
Fear stricken spectres of doubt
Battling with presevatory abilities
Joy of self jousting with hatefulness
Abilities subdued by ignorance
Dragged deeper into dispare
By pittiful embevalance
Miss understood and conpounded
Striving to shine soulful light
Through misty darkness
Self presevatory struggle
Pushing to rise above and eluminate
Hatred bannished to inner core
Tormentors blocked and silenced
By intrepid speeches and lyrical prose
The deep battle of egoless self
Dailly and iconceptual
Lifting of spirit above sinfulness
Contempt and angers fade
Self worth and joy of being
Struggle to rise,through battles won and lost

     I am never Lose I WIN or I Learn

Dispare

Posted: June 5, 2014 in Random
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Wandering this un mapped
Luneristic shaby landscape
Devoid of colour, cold and forboding
Searching for safety and comfort
Lonely devoid of feeling
Wanting to scream and shout
Projecting only silence
Expressionless and faded
Wearily tramping through sludgery
Encamped in a myer of loathing
Trying to encapsulate radiance
From emotive memory snapshots
Ground control where are you
No beacon of light emitting faith
Strange shadow dancers follow
Seemingly mocking and laughing
Why,what for, who are they
Confusion of form
No idealistic conformity
Mezmarising and Kalidascopic halusinations
Is this true form or imaginatory images

                       Are We lost