Posts Tagged ‘struggle’

Cold envelopes me
The dark Shrouds my form
Emotions disapear
Eyes transperant and vague
Skin clamy and cool to touch
Without relief panic takes control
Curled in my fetal position
Comforts dispelled
Friends and family evade my space
Loneliness grasps my shoulders
As if to mock me
Deeper and deeper it pulls my soul
Longer and Longer it persist
Finally it has me
Where ever here is

You told them lies
I cried myself too sleep
I smiled every morning
Hiding fear so deep
I raised the bar every day
Ran the gauntlet
Fought all in my way
Took the hits from those unseen
Placed them in boxes
Never too be seen
Took strides to rise
High out of this putrid mirk
Sense of humour cheeky smirk
With fists of steel
Quick wits and fast thought
Days grew quicker
And tormentors turned
You still doubted my strengths
Putting me down
Lying to those aged above
Spreading your lies
And fairytale spin
This inperfect person
Born under your skin
Driven too acheive despite of it all
Praying that parents would stop the free fall
Years flew past and incidents cause
Blame was clearly laid at the wrong door
Your perfection mard
By your own stuborn ways
And the glaring imperfections
In the things you did say
Glass shattered around you
From that day too this
Constant reminders of dual standard bliss
Stronger than you in every way
Wiser and smarter I grew day by day
As a parent strong and respected be
Be proud of the fact I am me and not thee
Loving all children the same as the first
In thier own perfections
No matter thier cases
Unfaltering assistance
Without condition is Dailly at play

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The soul within
Pears out
Emotiveless and opaic
Windows of flesh
Screams unheard
Toils Un noticed
What or who
Am I normal
Or the freak
They taunt daily
As endeavours
I undertake too graduate
Amongst societies banner

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Turbulant tossing
Vortexuaul rotation of mood
Manic depressiveness bleeds
Seeping into euphoric delerium
Complection chamilien
Intersected by waining faith
Ego dismissive and faint
Powerless and devoid
Agraphobic intentions surround
Disruptive and agressive charges
All consuming darkness
Grasping and enveloping form
Dishevelled and gaunt
Lifeless listed gait envokes true
Gnarled and stooped
Unwilling to open up
Pushing away assistance
Compressed by societies reactions
Onward with back pack of pain
Stumbling and faultering in dispare
. ……………. STRUGGLE…………………

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Genetic and Social
Mutations of standards
From liniage strong
Parental skills passed by generations
Manners and inner strength born
Teachings and lessons passed
Growth of self
In hands of natures prose
Nurture not inseminal feeding
Rules of engagement blurred
Best foot forward
Your life for theirs always
Battles un noticed by Kin
Thankless tasks handled
Tantrums quashed
Toddler and teenage years breezed
Decades of understanding freely wash
Still we give our all regardless
Backed to the hilt often
Comfort and praise spawned true
Chastisement doled out on neccesity
Parentage rights and customs followed

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Dailly battles torment
Haranged and tortured
Verbal profanity or physical abuse
Black and blue the tattoos of consiquence
Scarred to the bone
Inclemancy and bewilderment
Statutory states of mindfulness
Coresponding nulification of self
Skills bestowed on the victomised
Down trodden and marred
Embattled prowess
Standing face to face
With shell of self
Fires lit burning strong
Contemptual spirit launches
Steps taken with conviction
Doubters strewen assunder
Ears deaf too sooth sayers utterances
Mind set on inner abilities
Compleasion of awerness
Stimulation of inner beast
Life continues complete
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Dailly pains

Posted: August 22, 2014 in Random
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The Haze
decending continual
clouding all that is me
lightning strikes ever lasting
unconciously stimulating receptors
physically unable to move
stuck in one place
abandond by normality
stranded without compasion
brain over ridden by pains woeful summoning
swallowing down chemical imbalances
ineffective in delivery
sub concious noises ommitted by motions
glazed stare conseptualised optics
mired operatory provission
soullessly provides shallow movement
where to find solice
a strength provider to battle continual
what was peace of mind
once held strong
must fight and survive
drive is low reasoning diminished
screaming for assistance
still awaiting releif

Title of joy

Posted: April 19, 2014 in Random
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    (From The Darkness Light Shines)
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In Darkness we may live
Filled with discomfort and pain
Through the trials we
Rise and fall
Pendulum of fate
Swings free

We write our story
In eliquant prose
Whether story or poem
The feelings true
Free the darkness
Feel the joy

Short lived
Or ever lasting
Heart and Soul
We pour out
An encumbant peice
To fill a void or tell it so

For personal pleasure
Or published good
We fill the pages
As we go
This is us
Scars and all

Whether dark or light
The peace within
Is stormy and rough
We battle on
Despite it all
Confused joy with
Battles to win

Searching for the Title of Joy

(For a frind you know who you are )

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What would you do if you had the chance !
Go for a run a meal or a dance
Wait for a chance or Grab with both hands
Follow the crowd or take your own path

I make my chances
I take my own path
Leading the way
Despite what they say

Do as they do or select the right way
Cower to preasure or stand proud your way
take up lifes challanges and win the day
Or hide in the corner with nothing to say

I make my chances
I take my own path
Leading the way
Despite what they say

Be indavidual is what I say
Free from shackles that fall your way
Proud to be you who every that may be
What ever your choices thats your life to lead
No mater you race,sexuality,religion or need

    Lead from the front in a heart beat.

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  Living with the mixed up world off a
                              Child

As an adult it has made constant bedtime reading. To try and come too terms with what these disorders mean for our 13 year old son.
    I would help him understand whete he fits if we atleast have a clue what we are seeing. And that we then need to get for him or do to help.
    The Scottish Education department are very reluctant to diagnose these conditions or deal with them relevantly. In our experience since Patrick was 4 and started Main Stream School. The Educational Phycology department refused to allow Patrick too attend a Special Needs School even a few days a week. As in there specialist opinion he was copeing well at his level with school !!!!!.
   Patrick was diagnosed with a 3.5 year learning delay at 5 . Which was not propperly dealt with educationally with appropriate help or assistance. This continued and still was a problem when finally diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 9 years. So now there are two things to consider , the teachers at his school done 110% with the knowledge and equipement they had.
    This asside the system was drastically lacking in any consistancy. They were failing to do the proper reporting on him or his developement.
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So Patrick has litterally been treading water since he started School. Being Bullied daily by his peers and others because of his condition ect. Not wanting to go too school,shutting things away , not telling anyone what was happening or interacting with school work properly.
   This was acceptable too education department proffessionals !!!. Which as Parents was very disconcerting and annoying. So we banged our heads of every door and wall we came across fighting for him too get what he deserved too grow and improve.
   Then there was the input of Grandparents that deny to this day that he has any issues at all. Filling his head with rubbish that a) he dont need and b) that doesnt help his growth and developement . As if things were not hard enough for him and the rest of our  family unit.
   We were getting totally down and finding it hard to find away to get things done.
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As a family we have always wanted to move but finding the house and area we wanted was slow. But then an offer of a house came to our salvation,so off I went to the area in question to view the property. While waiting on veiwings ect I saught schools for Patrick especially then David 10 and Emma 4. In the period of a few days I had viewed the property and found 3 schools with spaces for all the kids.
  This know jst relied on passing all the checks ect for the property. The packing begins just incase its a yes. Preparing everyone for our move which for some you would think we were moving to outerspace.
  Two weeks later we got the news we hoped for and we had 2 weeks to move in. Hard work and persiverance had paid off.
  Patrick would be attending a Special Needs School with all the assistance he requires. 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house and appropriate Schooling for the other kids job done !!.
   Its a few months since the move and everything for the family unit and Patrick are a lot better. There are a few programming issues to iron our re Patricks behaviour and thought process but there is time.

(This is just an outline of what we as a family have went through to get too where we are)
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