Posts Tagged ‘reality’

Striding out 

Slowly edging forwards

Goals achieved 

Strength holding up 

Steady paced progress goes

Clarity wains power dips 

Crash we hit the floor

All a blur shivering wreck 

No explanation for the effect

Lying prone on the ground 

No assistance anywhere to be found

Faculties checked injuries tended

Pick ourselves up act like we’re mended

Return to normality creeps slowly progresses

Cloudy mind aching body 

That first sign of weakness glaringly obvious

Hop…step…skip…hop

Leap of faith toss the stone

Destiny falls on your path

Behold the wonder before you

Grasp the life given

Make the subtle changes needed

And ride the path as if you own it

You make life worth living

Take the supplies and people necessary

Challenge yourself and rise high

Your worth is insurmountable and priceless

Life is a game of hop scotch go win it

Many of my first blogs were about my life and struggles with bullies and miss conceptions. The processes and journeys made by myself and surgery awell as the determination to succeed.

This is an update if you like….. my operations from 35 years ago have decided to collapse.Yeah you have read right !!!, my face from forehead to jaw line has been built on a wire mesh (chicken wire) like stuff. And for reasons best known too others it has collapsed and twisted.

 My nose has dropped around 4 inches , eye socket has shifted and high cheek bone around socket flattened out. I now have a ridge in my palate on the roof of my mouth and the entire physiology of my skull has been affected. The shifting of the above has worsened my Fybro Myralga symptoms and created others as well.

I am presently under Maxi Facial clinic in Newcastle 9+ months and no further forward. No medical records have been obtained and it’s taken 8+ months for photos to be taken. The consultant in charge doesn’t seem to have a clue what too do. And is not following the NHS’s own process or procedures properly.

I am very aware that the type of surgery I have had and that I require is very specialised and dare I say it rare.But there are processes and procedures to be followed and we would be a lot further followed. I know this because I am a qualified nurse as well as 40 years experience of my condition and surgeries.

Because of this I am having to apply for a Personal independence Plan (pip) which is a government based benefit for disabilities. Now you can’t see the damage or symptoms mostly internal and physical . So some in aware specialist without appropriate will have to decide my fate.

I was a very popular and busy personal trainer but die to this issue a)It’s not safe to be lifting weights and taking classes (b) the symptoms are causing severe issues  (c) pain and discomfort as well as anxiety and distress. All of which put working,Walking and social activities on a back burner.

I write this not for sympathy but awareness for others, I know I will get there and be bk too 100% soon enough. But there are people out there that are not able too see past there difficulties as easily. Please please please stay strong and be yourself at all times. These things are sent too test us and not define us. I am a proud father of 4 , ex  Scots  Guard,Nurse,Coach and Personal trainer.I write poetry and stories , trying to inspire others along the way as well as bring my children up the best way possible. I am not my face or condition I just sometimes have too stop and take a rest then go again when able.

We the Warriors will win the battles wars are events to over come by adapting they can and will be conquered.

The Bell

Posted: August 4, 2016 in Random
Tags: , , , , ,

It rings loud

Raising heads glance around

Hearts beat faster

Rythmic din 

Antisipation becons 

Awareness hightens with every ring

We are alive and free

We spring alert and emotive

Leaving our perches

Getting on with lives paused

The Bell tolls and life 

Well 

Trudgery abound
Wheeled between pillar and post
Tubed and prodded
Rolled and turned
Quizzed and questioned
Smiles and frowns clear
Scratching of heads seen
Stiched,stapled and bandaged
Body thrown through traumas unknown
Blood let and drugged to the eyeballs
This is the form of the patients day
Guinea Pig of the state
For science and medical advance
No care to your career or advancement
Time is thier to waste to acheive
Rules flouted and actions delayed
We the cadaver told to be patient
Relax and recover
What about the person or the family
No care given at all

I
Have
Travelled
Far and wide
Been educated
Through trials
Of life’s journeys path
Achieved and failed
In equal measure
Love, laughed and lost
Built up my portfolio
Sold myself
Too pay my way
Delivered  my best every day
In my unique and personal way
To stranger and friend
As if they were gold
Built up memories always to hold
This is me
My way and life

In the depths of dispare
I dwell in its squaller
Sullen and grey
Passified by pain and torture
Medicated too oblivion
Family and friends
Cast thier gaze over my living shell
Masked smile animamatronic nod of head
Robotic steps one after the other
Dipressive and fearful
I huddle in my tight ball
No enemy or friend can break through
How is this deamed survival
A note or tune
Strikes a match within
Fires egnite burning slow
Higher and higher there energies rise
Colour Emblazen my flesh
Emotion returns to my motion
Stick in hand I stride
Head held high I fight
Concealment no longer my domain
Exterior function returns
The look of amazement and wonder
Clearly Visable on all the faces
Surrounding me
Pitty falls from grace exchanged for pride
This inner light continues to burn
Fed by heart,friendship and determination
I am the light the mobilizations
The fight is continual
Victories many as the war is faught
The guiding light consumes

Like the mighty Oak
With presision is felled
Stroke after stroke
The lumber jack wields
Crashing too the floor
With a creek and a moan
Loud crash and wail
As debris is strewn
Shards are tossed asunder
Other limbs and structures
Are spattered

Hoisted high
By hoist and crane
Manual labour’s  swet and strain
Hacking and sawing
Tendrils and branches hacked
Dragged away by chains off steel
Congragated on trailers long
Driven too mills to be whittled down
Turned into planks and chairs
For civilisation to use and defile more

Seeds were scattered
During the fall
Dna of strength and age
Sown in the wind
Scars of defilement abound
Seen from space aswell as ground
New life sprouts slow but true
In Virginia soil unspoilt
Out of view
Humanity tares it down
Without sadness or a frown
Thier needs are many
Unbound and sireal
How must mother nature feel

Time and nature
Nurture all
New stocks and growth
Will strongly yield
Father time and Mother earth
Will heal the scars
Machines do wield
Humanity and it’s disfigurations
Will be paid for by all countries and nations
By wind,rain and continental shifts
Volcanic flows and temperature rifts
These gifts are aplenty
A warning too all
Reminding humanity one and all

Genetically resembling a number
Inferiorities bound
Holding mentality hostage
Confusion reigns supreme
Visually you resemble your years
Inwardly you continually battle
Disfunction of miss represented truth
Contortion of genetisisms
Growth stifled and slow
Education jigsaw like
Inferior imperfections shine
Believe in yourself
Fight at the forefront
Medicated slowness
Contemptual abrassions
Societies lackluster grasp of reality
Break the mold and rise
Mind of the lost
Who is to judge you
Self worths perpetual motion

I never wondered where I would be,walking the routes laid for me.
Soaking up the information torrented and imported too my mental store.
Scribbling and noting the starred icons of gold
Tested by self and civilities quests learning too walk and examinations at school
I grow day by day despite of it all taller, wiser and stronger than most.

With contorted features and boggly eye
I stride towards the future with sparkle in my eye
Taking on challenges in every stride
Man made or natural they fall by the side
From strength too strength I charge at light speed
Not dragging my feet with depressive need

With surgeon’s knife and medical aide
My contorted expressions change on my face
Battered and bruised inside and out
I clatter on regardless free of doubt
Knocking me down with your verbilisations or physical charge
Enpowers my nature leading the charge

Through the halls of education and employment i advance
Striking at chances with two strong hands
From home town too deserts I have traveled with joy
Been stacking shelves and throwing bombs
I have love for this planet and the people within
Because of my personality and power within

Too all who have wavered and set road blocks for me
Thanks for the challanges and tasks set by thee
They strengthen my resolve Enpowers my will
They keep me above you with my comfort and skill
I come out at the end complete and bitter free
What have your choices left deep for thee

In reflections repost I praise and idolise
The poor fearful society that tried to repress me
They failed in thier tasks enbittered thier hearts
And most of all lost thier god given right
Bullies and tormentors never do win
If with belief in your self and strong mind,will and heart.

To all in the world down trodden and scared
Stand strong for your future and belief there in
Follow your path cut new routes of your own
Listen and learn avoiding the falls
Thiers only one thing that matters in your own worldly place
Doing your best with love,passion and grace