Spinning tops and building blocks

Calydascopes of colour fall

Cars and vans in traffic jams

Dolls on the floor prams galore

Finger painting and messy clay fun

Shooting bubbles from a gun

Scooters zip and wheels spin

Time and again we skip and run

Balls of energy bouncing round

Do thier feet touch the ground

Silence falls investigate

Fast asleep where they played

Life is fun and full of joy

Child’s play to those who know

Many of my first blogs were about my life and struggles with bullies and miss conceptions. The processes and journeys made by myself and surgery awell as the determination to succeed.

This is an update if you like….. my operations from 35 years ago have decided to collapse.Yeah you have read right !!!, my face from forehead to jaw line has been built on a wire mesh (chicken wire) like stuff. And for reasons best known too others it has collapsed and twisted.

 My nose has dropped around 4 inches , eye socket has shifted and high cheek bone around socket flattened out. I now have a ridge in my palate on the roof of my mouth and the entire physiology of my skull has been affected. The shifting of the above has worsened my Fybro Myralga symptoms and created others as well.

I am presently under Maxi Facial clinic in Newcastle 9+ months and no further forward. No medical records have been obtained and it’s taken 8+ months for photos to be taken. The consultant in charge doesn’t seem to have a clue what too do. And is not following the NHS’s own process or procedures properly.

I am very aware that the type of surgery I have had and that I require is very specialised and dare I say it rare.But there are processes and procedures to be followed and we would be a lot further followed. I know this because I am a qualified nurse as well as 40 years experience of my condition and surgeries.

Because of this I am having to apply for a Personal independence Plan (pip) which is a government based benefit for disabilities. Now you can’t see the damage or symptoms mostly internal and physical . So some in aware specialist without appropriate will have to decide my fate.

I was a very popular and busy personal trainer but die to this issue a)It’s not safe to be lifting weights and taking classes (b) the symptoms are causing severe issues  (c) pain and discomfort as well as anxiety and distress. All of which put working,Walking and social activities on a back burner.

I write this not for sympathy but awareness for others, I know I will get there and be bk too 100% soon enough. But there are people out there that are not able too see past there difficulties as easily. Please please please stay strong and be yourself at all times. These things are sent too test us and not define us. I am a proud father of 4 , ex  Scots  Guard,Nurse,Coach and Personal trainer.I write poetry and stories , trying to inspire others along the way as well as bring my children up the best way possible. I am not my face or condition I just sometimes have too stop and take a rest then go again when able.

We the Warriors will win the battles wars are events to over come by adapting they can and will be conquered.

Home

Posted: September 26, 2016 in Random
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Walking down cobbled streets

The stone built houses meet and greet

Tudor ,Gorgian and Victorian too

Seamlessly mixed contented as new

Stroll up the hill through the groves

To be met by hills,fells and more

No matter the weather there is always things too do

The life of a town in the country heart

No stress just relaxation from the start

No happier home have I found

The gateway too the lakes is where it’s at

People come and people go but this is home for ever more

Wet nose on my face

That caring paw upon my chest

The high pitch bark and wagging tale

Full face smile with sparkling eyes

Those hugs and snuggles when ull or hurt 

My Big Red companion full of Irish grace

You may be larking over Rainbow bridge

With the four pawed brethren gone before

But your closer than ever nearer to me 

Deep in my heart and the memories dear

Big Red for ever from first day too last

Till we meet again on the pastures at last

Twisted lying still

Innards shift and tumble

Crimson red rises

Spewing like molten lava flows

Exuding weakness and frailty

Tears fall to the ground

Like glass beads scattered below

 emotions lost and bewildered 

Mentally destroyed scarred forever

One individual against life

Can it rise and develope once more

With nurturing and tending

It’s soul will be reborn 

Like a planet scorched by flames

It regenerates in time and flourishes again

Seeds hidden frailties gone

That strength renewed better than before

Stronger, taller with lessons learned

Take on all demons and hater to bare

Trapped

Posted: September 25, 2016 in Random
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Within my casket 

Enclosed and trapped 

In the darkness of pains rule

Breaking free with the power of word

Lyrically embellishing pages 

For others enjoyment and perusal 

Releasing feelings and words un said

Freedom from this solitude and smirk

Emblazend light of normality

Warms and comforts the twisted soul

Warrior brave humanities gain

Oh how freedom enlightens the soul

Haiku

Posted: September 25, 2016 in Random
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Shrivled form contorted 

Copper like hew 

Seasons awakened new

Haiku

Posted: September 25, 2016 in Random
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Electric Blue flashes 

Sky screams with pain

The heavens cry in torrents

Staring at the looking Glass

The figure dim looks back

The sullen look features  drooped

No sparkle in the eyes

Sagging skin and contorted format

Changes beyond belief

That sparkle gone and spark put out

No sign of life within

Its astounding how it’s all locked down

And hidden from plain sight

Grasping and fighting to get it back

A battle fought on an hourly round

That smile under pinned and replaced by frowns

The mask adorned as I step out the door

A sterling job is done

For those I see don’t find the real me

As they smile and joke along

Oh how I miss that tender me

Hidden deep inside

I know my strength and personable hew

Will return with a flash and bang

But the waiting kills a part of me 

With every second that pass

The sympathy of others just seems 

Too pound in another nail 

Oh how demoralising can it be 

To see that coffin built

No I am not physically dying

Just the fire inside

So don’t morn or cry for me

Look for the heart inside

Striking lighting like

Intensifying every twinge 

Sending the sensors into overdrive

Clouding the judgement always
Bolt upright I sit

Corpse like and still

Eyes red and bleary

Darkness consumes my form
Ground hog day starts once more

As my mask fitted

Smiling ,happy and fresh

I tackle the tasks before me
Dulled by medicated chemical’s

Cruising along with programmed tasks

Personality void,robotic motion

Plowing through the day
Homeward to solitude

Mask drops partialy once more

Top up of chemicals

Replenishment of energy

Returning to my easy bed

And the chatter of the pixelated noise box